The Most Eligible Bachelor
by Mother of Dragonborns
Summary: For most of his life, Gaara only knew loneliness and lived like a social pariah. Now that he is Kazekage, he has become the most eligible bachelor in Sunagakure overnight! Crackfic


"No interviews!" Gaara said, trying to keep his voice level. Couldn't the Central Sand Sentinel just leave him alone about his love life? There were far more important things in the world asides from his sexuality. Alas, this was another example of the villager's ridiculously old-fashioned thinking.

"Kazekage!" The reporter called from outside of his office, pounding on the thick mahogany door, which only muffled his voice slightly. "There is no shame in coming out as gay. Your popularity would only skyrocket!"

Gaara furrowed his non-existent brow at that comment. Even if he wasn't heterosexual, this would hardly impact his ability to perform his duty as Kazekage! While the reported droned on about the benefits of "coming out of the closet," the reporter did not notice the sand that was beginning to gather around his feet until it coiled around his ankle.

With a simple flick of his wrist, Gaara launched the report down the hallway. Sand in the form of a baseball mitt materialized down the hallway to catch the report's fall. The last thing the Kazekage needed was more lawsuits. Even so, the muffled surprised yelp brought a satisfied smirk to the young Kazekage's face. Now, he could focus on work….

The self-satisfied smile melted off when he saw a magazine article on his desk. Without a doubt, Temari left it there for him to see in an attempt at being helpful. And possibly "helping" him take a not-so subtle hint. He really wished his older sister stopped showing him tabloids like this. Gaara almost missed the days of being painted as an unhinged monster. At least the paparazzi left him alone then.

On the front page of Shinobi Secrets was a picture of Gaara, Yukata, and Matsuri. Gaara was not sure how a paparazzi managed to get so close without him detecting or how he made the picture look like something it was not. Gaara had been lecturing the two after making a very big anddeadly mistake in training. Of course, instead of looking properly chided, the two kenochi looked besotted. 'Is it finall love?' the caption read. 'In this love triangle, it going to be a rocky war'

The caption was not even clever! Gaara could at least appreciate journalism when the captions and titles were somewhat witty. Even an alliteration was better than this. Not even giving the magazine a final look-over, Gaara disposed it in the garbage while making yet another mental note to tell his sister to stop meddling.

At this moment, Gaara wanted to unwind slightly. Turning on the TV in his office, he hoped to catch even half of a show before beginning his day. To his utmost chagrin, the news was on. Even worse, it was the entertainment section of the news.

Gaara truly was a masochist because when he saw his picture, he only groaned instead of changing the channel. "Once again, the young Kazekage is named the Most Eligible Bachelor in all of Sunagakure," the reporter said enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically.

"Someone else can have it." Gaara groaned, putting his hand over his eyes to ward off an inevitable headache. "Anyone, really. I don't care."

"…In fact, the Kazekage's shy, adorableness and dedication to his work has earned him a place on the ballot for the Most Desired Bachelor of the Ninja World!"

Wide-eyed Gaara shot up in his chair and like floodgates opening, the dull pain of a headache surged throughout his head. That could not be….

This was going to be an absolute nightmare. He needed to deflect as much attention as possible. I have to…get a girlfriend. Gaara gulped. Even if it for show, he had to at least publically state he was dating. It was the only way to stop the insane invasion of privacy he has been subjected to in recent years. Even his name being mentioned as one of the most Desired Bachelors of the Ninja World meant everyone from all over would flock to see the young Kage. Gaara had to act before it was too late.

But who?

Who would be mature enough to go along with this rouse? Certainly not his protégé or any young kenochi in the village. It had to be someone who was much much more mature. And just as powerful as him in order to make the paparazzi and any crazed fan fear approaching them. There was only one person who fit that bill.

Gaara pushed a button on his desk that went to his secretary's phone. "I'll be on a personal call. Please make sure no one interrupts me for the next hour."

With that done, Gaara wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. He was used to talking to women. In fact, he had often spoken to this particular woman. It was just that he never talked to a woman about something of this nature. Gaara did not care for the way his palms sweated or how his heart was beating fast enough for him to hear it in his ears. He took two deep breaths before making the call.

"Mizukage, it's the Kazekage..."


End file.
